The Grounded Bid
by The Tax-Man
Summary: I six years as shinobi, Team Kakashi has seen things people don't in six lifetimes. But when their worst assignment comes along at the worst possible time, they begin to question just how ignorant they are about certain things...


**Test Subject**

Naruto Uzumaki was almost content – or at least as much as one can be with an army of outlaws on their tail. Nothing worth worrying about had happened in the past half a year or so. The Fourth World War had been pronounced by one maven who designated himself as Madara Uchiha, believed to be sentient for well over a century – which was apparently the case. Though plans do not translate as easily from paper to reality as smoothly as one might fancy. The battle for the planet had ended with bitter memories. Countless lives were lost. Kabuto had even dared to turn the countries' own friends against them! In the end, 'All's well that ends well'. Warriors from the ends of the Earth had united under the symbol of the Shinobi on their foreheads and the Kazekage, Naruto's own friend, had led the allied forces to victory.

So now, with all the boredom a youth in his teenage years could manage, Naruto waited (im)patiently for a contact of the Hokage – some hotshot called Fūbuki – in a renowned Konoha seafood restaurant. Of all the obese freeloaders known as stains in the name of The Leaf (not good old Chōji of course), the old hag just _had _to go and put_ him_ on the job!

Naruto's sulking was cut-off by the slam of the restaurant door. It was adequate to make him choke on his glass of water. He coughed, letting a mouthful of water spew out of his tracheal opening and onto the marble floor. The boy saw a waitress' amused look from the corner of his eye, realizing a bit too late that it was not directed at him. Naturally, Naruto's neck automatically turned to the door, eyes squinting in the morning sunlight.

'_Eh?'_

A short, pale youth entered Espresso, flanked by a veritable giant. He walked smooth, calm steps toward a fine stained glass table, pulling out an engraved wood chair. He was careful not to wrinkle his fine suit. The boy looked strikingly like an acclaimed aristocrat, though it disturbed Naruto that he could not assign a name to the face.

A waitress wandered over, giving the odd pair a dazzling smile.

"Hello there, young man. Would you like to see the children's menu?"

Naruto could swear by his life that he saw a vein pulse in the teen's temple. Of course, a reply was imminent.

"No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the _children_'s menu. I have no doubt that the _children_'s menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?"

The waitress' smile shrunk by a couple of molars. No doubt his vocabulary had that effect on people. His bodyguard, a certain 'Hunter', rolled his eyes.

"And you wonder who would want to kill you? Most of the waiters and tailors on the face of the planet, for a start." He muttered.

The waitress looked up to get a glance at the hulking figure, who she thought had grunted, and back to the boy, regretting both actions.

"Yes, sir," Stammered the unfortunate waitress. "Whatever you like."

"What I would like is a medley of shark and swordfish. Pan seared. On a bed of julienned vegetables with fresh potatoes."

"And to drink?"

"Spring water. Waterfall, if you have it. And no ice please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water."

The waitress scurried to the kitchen, relieved to escape from the pale youth at table six. She'd seen a vampire movie once. The undead creature had the very same hypnotic stare. Maybe the kid spoke like a grown up because he was actually five hundred years old.

The eyes of the irritable youth sparkled with anticipation of his meal. He smiled delightedly, unaware of the consternation he'd caused.

"You're going to be a big hit at the school dances," His burly bodyguard commented.

"Pardon?"

"That poor girl was almost in tears. It wouldn't hurt you to be nice occasionally."

The young charge raised an eyebrow. Either Naruto's memory was failing or bodyguards were not supposed to offer opinions on personal matters.

"I don't see myself at school dances, Hunter."

"Dancing isn't the point. It's all about communication."

"Communication," Scoffed the young master. "I doubt there is a teenager alive with a vocabulary equal to mine."

"Master Fūbuki..."

Hunter was about to point out the difference between talking and communicating when a loud noise filled the busy sound of the restaurant – a blond teen at the next table repeating something at the top of his lungs. Every entity in the cuisine cocked their heads, and covered their ears with whatever happened to be close, plates and spoons, in most lucky cases. You could hear him five blocks away, but i_listening/i_ was another matter – or rather, _understanding_ was closer to it. Over fifty souls dropped sweats in attempting to decipher his words. Nothing. It was all gibberish – that is, until one raven haired teenager interpreted the words of a remote, popular language known as teenage yapping.

"YO! DID YOU SAY FŪBUKI?"

* * *

><p>Naruto walked in the self-induced silence, dwelling in his own subconscious world – or maybe, it <em>was<em> quiet. One would expect as much with the streets usually bustling with people deserted and the buildings overflowing with the public taking refuge from Thor's Hammer and having hot tea in taverns. He glanced at the novel duo strolling along, concentrating solely on the pint-sized stripling. Sai would be shamed by his ghastly pale skin and Udon by his hairdo. Paired with a royal black suit, an obsidian tie, ebony leather loafers, a Platinum Rolex and dark shades, it looked as if he had pogo'd straight down to earth from a movie. 'James Bond, Agent 007' undercover as an aristocrat with face paint. Naruto barely held back a chuckle. A real piece of work, he was. But Naruto knew all this was just a distraction from the serious issues. He absolutely refused to believe that this was Tsunade's contact! No. Just No! How in the world could a two-pint twirt with a ludicrously aristocratic accent and a skin tone paler than a snake of a man be a spy? Were spies not supposed to keep low profile? A thirteen year old kid with oiled hair, dark shades and a suit plus a lionized blimp tagging along did not exactly 'fit in' the average settlement. Maybe all the 'Illuminated' had their own little La-La Land where everyone was a bigwig but he would stick out like crab leg in Ramen here in the streets of Konoha! Apparently the _authorities_ had fired a '_Man of Fire at_ them'. Well _they_ had a nylon suit on, holding a cylinder of nitrous.

'_Well this_ 'Man of Fire'_s in for a surprise…_'

_This_ time Naruto was woken from his disbelieving daydream by an impatient grunt from Hunter. He let fly a few words in what sounded like a guttural growl.

"The gate is going to open itself, is it?" Naruto looked down to see an annoyed expression on Fūbuki's face, then went right to signaling the guards to open the gate to the Administrative Division of the Academy. Two enormous doors opened slowly with a crack of wood on steel and Naruto led the way to the inner doors and up the inner staircase to the second-to-top floor. On the way they passed several shinobi going about their errands and seeing many new faces in the building. Many more Genin, probably because of the Academy year having ended three weeks prior.

A minute later, they were outside the Hokage's office, which Naruto promptly barged into and announced his arrival in a tone no one else would take, as usual. Needless to say, The Fifth was not pleased.

"I'll give you three seconds."

"Eh… force of habit?"

You could see the vein in her forehead but this was no time to be flinging chairs with people in them through glass windows.

"Whatever." Tsunade turned to the pair at the door, who had taken a more respectful approach, knocking twice. "You may enter now."

Fūbuki Noo entered, his bulky bodyguard two steps behind. Fūbuki did not cut much of an intimidating figure, to say the least. Silky black hair flowing neatly just above his thin eyebrows, a slight frame barely able to hold up his bespoke suit with pitch black eyes and skin paler than death itself… He could be Sai's long-lost twin- a less annoying one, at any rate. His features were sharp, yet smooth. It was ironic, really, how the same features could now look open and friendly on Sai. On Fūbuki, however, they looked conniving and deceptive, almost sinister. Then there was his mesmerizing smile. It was so mesmerizing, in fact, that it would out-mesmerize the Tsukuyomi any day.

Shizune broke the silence.

"G-greetings. I hope you had a good trip."

"Indeed. Quite eventful." Fūbuki raised an eyebrow at Naruto. "Deafening, the last bit." The latter's eyebrow twitched.

"I hope he wasn't too much trouble," Tsunade commented. Naruto snorted, muttering.

"Right. You're saying it like they're my babysitters."

"Heh. That's the first sound thing you've said in your life, Naruto. You _will_ accompany Fūbuki, so I thought I'd send you to meet him. _You're_ the one _he_ needs to get used to."

Naruto opened his mouth to protest, but Fūbuki cut him off.

"And you are correct. Little Mr. 'Savior' here… Honestly, I didn't think he'd be such a delinquent."

"Why you little…" The elder three had to laugh, though Tsunade's rarely heard guffaw the most prominent.

"Spare him, Fū. Anyway, you'll see _The_ Naruto in a bit."

"Hmm…"

"'_Hmm_' indeed."

* * *

><p>Walking through the streets of the Hidden Leaf, looking around for any good bargains to be made and staying as far as possible from a particular flower shop. This was Sakura Haruno's average casual evening. Admittedly, it had been more than a month since she had last enjoyed life like this, but her hard work did pay well, so she didn't care. This was the life… which had to, as usual, be ruined by on or another idiot calling her to a pre-mission meeting which often took place on someone's balcony. Sai was the 'idiot' this time. Any passerby would have been stunned by his sudden materialization, but Sakura, being trained in stealth, had anticipated his arrival. That didn't make it feel any better, though.<p>

"Meeting. Small balcony. Now."

And the pale male was gone. As the breeze announcing his departure came, Sakura sighed and left in a gust of wind.

Sakura was greeted by a loud "Yo!" from Naruto and a mock-salute from Sasuke. Sai only sported a customary smile.

"Well hello, everyone."

Sasuke slightly frowned, his usual self. "Hardly 'everyone'." But he was anything but the normal - if he ever was normal – Sasuke, all of them could tell. There was urgency, even desperation, in his blank ebony eyes.

The silence of concerned thoughts was shattered by the arrival of their old Jōnin sensei. Sasuke was unimpressed.

"What killed the hypocrite who taught us time management?"

Kakashi shrugged, "Reader's block." Naruto snickered.

"You sure? 'Cause I'm sure they call it the 'stick-clog' in this century."

The blond's comment was followed by a rosy blush from his pink-haired teammate. A thought-compliment from the victim of the 'clogging' in question: Present. And then: '_I should lighten the mood.'_

"And what makes you think I wouldn't have had it 'un-clogged'?"

"Simple. You haven't been on any missions in the past month. And you emptied yourself out at the Icha-Icha marathon last week. So you have no cash."

"You underestimate my powers of persuasion, Naruto." They all pretended that comment had not been made. Quite a few brains may have been between many legs at that moment. Excluding Sai, of course. _His_ brain was in his hand, which was rapidly jotting down notes on human behavior when confronted with an awkward change in topics. It would take a while for them to get back to the reason they were there.

"So…uh…I saw this Fūbuki guy and…" Naruto never did have great word choice.

"Seeing guys, now are we?"

"Naruto…"

"Knucklehead."

"…"

"The way you talk of him, he would surely hate you, dickless."

Naruto turned red. "Sai?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up!"

Kakashi sighed, "Okay, guys. Joke's over. Brief, Naruto?"

Naruto breathed out slowly, calming himself.

"Okay. So he's some kid who's annoying as hell, talks like a nerd and has skin whiter than his teeth. And he's got Hunter with him."

"Hunter? The battle chakra user?"

Sasuke decided to join in. "And we are supposed to escort him, are we? If even Hunter's not enough, this must be an S-rank assignment. Or higher," He said, leaning back on the wall.

"Yeah, yeah. S-rank or whatever. All this tells me is that his pet hulk's getting weak in his old age." No one was inclined to remind Naruto that Hunter was probably younger than Tsunade.

"Sure. Now let's get going."

Naruto smirked at Sasuke, "All right." And he was gone. Sakura's first reaction was to look up, being well aware of Naruto's usual challenges. There he was, shrouded by the perfectly circular moon. Sai smiled.

"I see now. I never _was_ able to see the man in the moon. Must have been the angle. Now I know what they meant when they coined the term."

The three stared dumbly at him.

"Oh, look! He looks exactly like Naruto, too."

"Last one there treats everyone to ramen tonight!"

* * *

><p>The group was rapidly catching up to Naruto. All this was just play to them, after all.<p>

"So, sensei," Naruto spoke up once the team had caught up.

"Hmm?"

"Have you heard of this guy before?"

"Fūbuki? Well, I remember The Fourth and Master Jiraya talking about him once."

Naruto's eyes flashed into focus. "Them? What were they saying?"

"Nothing, really. He is a former spy who was stationed in the Waterfall, I think."

"Wait, what? He used to be a spy? He didn't look strong enough to be sent on an assignment like that to me. As a matter of fact, he didn't look like much of a shinobi at all." Then a light bulb moment: "Wait a second… how was he alive when you were a kid when he's obviously younger than Konohamaru?"

Kakashi shrugged. "He's a master of disguise. Tsunade-style, I suppose."

"So it's _grandfather_ Fū?"

"I guess." Cheeky giggle from Sakura on cue.

* * *

><p>Fūbuki and his bodyguard were waiting in comfortable armchairs when the extended Team Kakashi arrived. As they entered the office, Fūbuki cleared his throat and glanced at Kakashi, never taking his eyes off the overcast sky for long.<p>

"You do like making people wait, don't you, Kakashi-san?"

"Sorry, sir. I've been busy."

"Of course, of course." Fubuki now stood up, using Hunter's extended hand as support. "Now, shall we get to important matters, Tsunade-san? I hate to rush things, but this task is imperative," He said.

"I know. That's why I chose this particular group for the job," She nodded, putting her pen down. "Gather your supplies. You'll need to be armed to the teeth for this one." Sasuke was intrigued.

"Armed to the teeth? You haven't even told us what the assignment is yet."

"It's quite simple, actually. All you have to do is protect Fūbuki and follow his orders."

"And how much danger is he in exactly?" Kakashi asked. Tsunade sighed, leaning on her table.

"A lot… More than he should be in. And that's what makes this complicated. You're going to the Blaze village, in the south. There, Fūbuki will do what he's supposed to, and you'll protect him at all costs. If his protection only requires some of you, the others will follow his orders. It's as simple as that."

"But Shishou, what's so special about this place? How will he be in that level of danger?" Sakura asked, concerned.

"It's the Blaze, Sakura. It's going through changes. Changes, however, aren't always supported wholeheartedly by everyone. You've all been in that situation. The place is being put through a test, of sorts, to see how things work out." Tsunade's last comment was greeted by much thought by the parties concerned. None of them were too eager to head out on this assignment. Konoha itself was in desperate need of manpower, so they all felt a little anxiety leaving their home so shortly after the Fourth War, remembering what had happened the last time. This was, however, their job and Tsunade would only do what was best for the village. Knowing this, Naruto voiced his thoughts,

"A Guinea Pig, then. But a Guinea Pig for what?"

Fūbuki straightened his jacket.

"For me."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So this is it, the first chapter. About the Bond reference, I think that needed to be there, so I kept it. I'll keep all references universal regardless of culture or world from now on, though.**

**Another point, this is the first fanfic written by me I thought was worthy of being put up on here. So PLEASE give me some feedback. I really need it. If you have any concerns about the OC's or the characters being OOC, tell me so I can fix it or at least give an adequate explanation for it. But yeah, I'd really appreciate the feedback so I can see what I'm doing right/wrong.**


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